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This journal has adult content.

In fact, as I am an adult, I hope it is entirely adult content.

By which I mean silliness, compassion, inquiry, sense AND sensibility, discussion, honest creative work done to the best of my ability and oh, yes, sex, love, passion and sometimes war, death, pain and valour.

It is therefore suitable for adults and people who aspire to become adults, and both sorts of people are welcome here.

The small minority who fit neither category may wish to bear in mind that I absolutely reserve the right to refuse service based on rage, choler, greed, agenda or other reason that shall seem good to me.

Hi. I'm Marna Nightingale. I live in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada.

I don't have hard and fast rules, but I do have assumptions and expectations. I try to apply them with an eye to both justice and mercy. Here are some of them.

(Short non-scary version: Do not allow yourself to be worried by the long version. Just do your best to behave as if you were at a party full of people who you like, whose feelings you have concern for, and whose good opinions you value, even when you disagree with them very strongly, and all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be just fabulous.)

Longer, more detailed version:

I prefer to attach my real name to my journal; I respect your pseudonym.

I do not stop Google or anyone else from indexing my journal. You may want to consider this before commenting, or you may not care.

Anonymous comments are permitted but screened. This is for the convenience of my acquaintances who do not have or want Dreamwidth journals, Livejournals, or Open IDs. Truly anonymous comments, those containing no name or identifier, will only rarely be unscreened.

I don't use as many cuts as a lot of people. Except when posting fiction, I almost never cut text, and I often post as many as three images of reasonable size before cutting pictures.

People who read and comment here are my guests. I try to treat my guests with respect, as I expect and require them to treat me, and one another, with respect in turn. There are lots of places on and off the internet where people of opposing views can rip up at each other. This is a place where they can meet, converse, and play in reasonable peace, and it is going to stay that way.

I am a feminist, bisexual, anti-racist, Christian, anti-bigotry, a socialist, a pacifist, polyamorous, mildly disabled, a sex educator, an erotica writer, and strongly politically engaged. Discussions and posts in my journal will from time to time reflect these realities and positions.

It is not necessary to agree with me about a single thing to hang out here, BUT:

I am nearly 40 years old. I got this way via hard thought and hard experience. I am not going to change because someone tells me to. Don't waste your time and mine, please.

I am deeply intolerant of intolerance.

In any discussion involving aspects of oppression or power differentials, members of the non-privileged group will be given considerably more latitude in debate than members of the privileged group.

Life's not fair but I try to be; nevertheless, such decisions as I do make about the moderation of this space are final. I didn't come here to argue.

This journal is not age-restricted in any way, because I do not consider that anything I post here is deleterious to the health, morals, or mental development of any person who chooses to read it, and I do not hold with asking teenagers to lie about their age.

I sometimes go on about sex quite a lot. I write about it as an academic, as a fiction writer, as a squeeing fangirl, as a political activist, as a teacher, as a feminist, as a safer-sex advocate, and as a person. Also I sometimes write dirty limericks. I will cut-tag actual erotic writing and any images that might get you in trouble if you're at work, but as far as the regular textual offerings, you're on your own.

I am happy for any post to be linked to by anyone, unless I have noted in the body of the post that I don't want something linked. I do this rarely, and I appreciate that people have been very good about it.

This journal is not private: I don't lock posts unless they contain things like exact travel details.

Subscribe to my journal if you like; unsubscribe any time it pleases you. I'll do the same and no bones broken, yes?

I never remember anyone's birthday. You're not expected to remember mine.

This document is subject to change without notice. This Marna is also subject to change without notice. No warranty is offered, expressed or implied, nor is it represented that the contents of this package will be safe, predictable, or fit for your intended use.


"Don't try to be clever, we're all clever here. Only try to be kind, a little kind." ~ Stephen Fry, quoting one of his professors.

“Time and trouble will tame an advanced young woman, but an advanced old woman is uncontrollable by any earthly force.” ~ Dorothy L. Sayers

stealin' DNA samples from the unborn
and then you comin' after us
cause we sampled a James Brown horn?~ Michael Franti

She says, 'I have lived here nearly all my life
I scare them to death because I say what I like' ~ Tom Cochrane

"Write to amuse? What an appalling suggestion!
I write to make people anxious and miserable and to worsen their indigestion."
~ Wendy Cope.

"Imbued with all our noblest thoughts and impulses, sieved through every imaginable vicissitude, bent and twisted like pipecleaners into all conceivable sexual and emotional positions and making the most of them~

Okay. So they aren't real men.
So we're imposing female feelings on them.
Fuck, it's about time somebody did."
~ C.M. Decarnin, on slash characterization.

"Sounds like there are a lot of things you haven't done. And if you're going to spend time with me you're just going to have to get over it. Life's short."
~ misia's Mom.

"I have emotion, no-one who knows me could ever fail to detect it
But there's a serious shortage of tranquility in which to recollect it.
So here's my contribution to the ongoing debate:
Sometimes, poetry is emotion recollected
In a highly emotional state."

~ Wendy Cope.

"I shall never be different. Love me." ~ WH Auden

"By nice women...you probably mean selfish women who have no more thought for the underprivileged, overworked women than a pussycat in a sunny window for the starving kitten in the street. Now in that sense I am not a nice woman for I do care." – Nellie McClung

"Home is not a place. Home is people" ~ Lois Mcmaster Bujold.

In our morale must lie our strength:
So, that we may behold at length
Routed Apollo’s
Battalions melt away like fog,
Keep well the Hermetic Decalogue,
Which runs as follows:—

Thou shalt not do as the dean pleases,
Thou shalt not write thy doctor’s thesis
On education,
Thou shalt not worship projects nor
Shalt thou or thine bow down before
Administration.

Thou shalt not answer questionnaires
Or quizzes upon World-Affairs,
Nor with compliance
Take any test. Thou shalt not sit
With statisticians nor commit
A social science.

Thou shalt not be on friendly terms
With guys in advertising firms,
Nor speak with such
As read the Bible for its prose,
Nor, above all, make love to those
Who wash too much.

Thou shalt not live within thy means
Nor on plain water and raw greens.
If thou must choose
Between the chances, choose the odd;
Read The New Yorker, trust in God;
And take short views.

~ WH Auden, Under Which Lyre