Rubbing a bit of antibiotic ointment - Polysporin or Neosporin or whatever - into your cuticles at night will give you shockingly healthy and attractive cuticles and nails. Works fast, too.
Done, dusted, tied up in a bow. Poked with a fork. Emailed to graydon with strict instructions to ignore me when I email him at 3am with ONE MORE THING.
DONE.
Please feel free to provide Wild Rumpus and Shenanigans of a celebratory nature in comments. Pictures of sheep and pangolins particularly welcome.