Yeah, and in my experience -- altho I never had as nicely thought-out and logical a plan as this -- the temptation to internally go "Well YOU'RE not being nice to ME, why the FUCK should I be nice to YOU?" can uh override the better impulses.
But OTOH I remember seeing the difference when one time my partner was bitterly complaining about something, and rather than trying to offer help or argue him into a 'better' perspective or say you know I don't feel like listening to you bitch about this right now, I did the whole mirroring thing -- active listening, it sounds like you feel and think blahblah, that must be hard, and within like FIVE MINUTES he relaxed and was a lot more logical and open about it and back to his usual rational good-humoured self. I was all "It works! Magic!!"
So it's like you have to be willing to let go of the zero-sum game, of "well you weren't nice to me about X so I'm not going to listen to you about Y." That way lies disaster.
no subject
But OTOH I remember seeing the difference when one time my partner was bitterly complaining about something, and rather than trying to offer help or argue him into a 'better' perspective or say you know I don't feel like listening to you bitch about this right now, I did the whole mirroring thing -- active listening, it sounds like you feel and think blahblah, that must be hard, and within like FIVE MINUTES he relaxed and was a lot more logical and open about it and back to his usual rational good-humoured self. I was all "It works! Magic!!"
So it's like you have to be willing to let go of the zero-sum game, of "well you weren't nice to me about X so I'm not going to listen to you about Y." That way lies disaster.