commodorified: a capital m, in fancy type, on a coloured background (Default)
[personal profile] commodorified
It's great that Terry Karney/[personal profile] pecunium, as a member of the Arisia concom, is apparently speaking out on Noel Rosenberg's behaviour and I have no particular reason to feel that he is less than sincere in his condemnation of Noel Rosenberg's stalking of Crystal Huff.

I do have reason to believe that if he has strong feelings about the wrongness of having intercourse with someone without a condom without asking for or getting consent when all previous agreements said that condoms would always be used, that would be a conclusion that he came to sometime after 2009.

That reason being, for the avoidance of doubt, that he did that precise thing to me in the autumn of that year. When I asked him, later, why he had done it, he said he had felt like it. I accepted that explanation at the time. His life was very difficult just then; I guess I felt like that was a generally acceptable reason for doing shitty things. I don't accept this now.

In the course of our relationship I introduced him to a fair number of people, a lot of them women, and, further, introduced him as a safe person and one of the good ones. He met his now-wife at my wedding, so, you know, I guess there's a through-line to Arisia from there. I now regret many of those introductions quite a lot, and recommend women and organizations exercise caution with him in the future.

As far as Noel Rosenberg, I have known him slightly for a decade or so. I know his now ex-girlfriend and her spouse very well. I don't know Crystal, but I believe them, and I support them. I didn't know anything concrete to Noel's discredit before this but I can't say I was surprised, either.

I don't know Maura, either, but I believe them, too.

The reason I am posting this now is that I can't face the thought of Crystal having to deal, after their tremendously brave statement, with a ConCom -- which I guess is now supposed to be doing the right things and trying to make amends -- containing at least one other person who has done some of the same things, without speaking up.

If Arisia is serious about addressing their problems and moving forward, this is information they require. If they are not, this is information that potential future attendees and volunteers require.

I have not contacted Arisia and have no plans to. Having read Crystal and Maura's accounts of attempting to handle things privately and through established channels with Arisia I am entirely disinclined to go that route myself. There appear to be dangerously sharp rocks in those channels, and nowhere safe to land at the end.

It is okay to link or otherwise share this post.

ETA from Cat/[personal profile] fairestcat: this post is currently set to screen all comments from people not on Marna’s (small) access list. I will be checking this post throughout the day and unscreening/deleting comments as necessary.
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Date: 2018-10-29 05:13 pm (UTC)
fairestcat: Dreadful the cat (Default)
From: [personal profile] fairestcat
I Love You.

Date: 2018-10-29 05:19 pm (UTC)
petra: A woman smiling with a thermos of tea and a plate of buns (Sarah Jane - Tea and buns)
From: [personal profile] petra
You are as brave and eloquent in your pain as always. May your raised voice reach people who have refused to hear.

Date: 2018-10-29 05:33 pm (UTC)
recessional: a table with two teacups and a teapot, a box of matches, and someone reading across from the camera (personal; timeout with tea)
From: [personal profile] recessional
I have a great deal of sorry-in-the-sense-of-regret/compassion that I wish to convey.

Also metaphorical tea I wish to offer.

Date: 2018-10-29 05:48 pm (UTC)
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
From: [personal profile] kaberett
I bear witness.

Date: 2018-10-29 05:52 pm (UTC)
muccamukk: Natasha standing on her toes to hug Steve. (Avengers: -Hugs-)
From: [personal profile] muccamukk
I'm sorry that happened to you, and that you keep coming into contact with That Asshole.

I'm also sorry that Arisia is being a bag of dicks. I know that it's a home con for a lot of people.

Date: 2018-10-29 06:02 pm (UTC)
cesy: "Cesy" - An old-fashioned quill and ink (Default)
From: [personal profile] cesy
Thank you for speaking up. I hope it helps and Arisia improves.

Date: 2018-10-29 06:03 pm (UTC)
nenya_kanadka: Spock says "srsly" (ST Spock srsly)
From: [personal profile] nenya_kanadka
This is a good post. I'm sorry for the situation that requires it (both your experiences and those of the women coming forward about the Arisia president), but I'm glad you could write this.

(And my respect for Terry just took a dive, so. :/)


Date: 2018-10-29 06:18 pm (UTC)
julian: Picture of the sign for Julian Street. (Default)
From: [personal profile] julian
Yes, Arisia's problems do seem to be extremely institutionalized and baked in. This is not one person or a couple people, this is the institution itself accepting, defending, and advocating for broken processes.

Also, I'm... very sorry to hear about the 2009 trust breakage.
Edited Date: 2018-10-29 06:19 pm (UTC)

Date: 2018-10-29 06:19 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] j_v_lynch
I believe them and I believe you. I'm sorry this happened to you.

Date: 2018-10-29 06:23 pm (UTC)
smilingslightly: little brown bat perched on her finger (little_brown_bat)
From: [personal profile] smilingslightly
Thank you for making this post. I have thought of him as "one of the good ones" and I would rather know the reality.

I have been in the really truly unfun situation of having, just in the course of life, incidentally introduced a man to a lot of women as safe, and then had to go around to every one of those women I could find — and despairing at the thought of those I could not — to warn them, after discovering he had been stalking a woman in another region. Then, also, over the course of years, realizing just how much abusive behaviour I had let slide because he was a "friend" whose troubles I fretted over.

This is a good post and I am sorry you have had the need to make it.

Date: 2018-10-29 06:26 pm (UTC)
mtl: Me as a POP! figure (Default)
From: [personal profile] mtl

Date: 2018-10-29 06:28 pm (UTC)
cathexys: Rodney hugging Ronon: *hugs* (hugs (by lim))
From: [personal profile] cathexys
Reading, listening, caring.

Date: 2018-10-29 06:44 pm (UTC)
oursin: Beatrix Potter's Mrs Tiggywinkle, wearing an apron, clasping her paws, and looking upwards (Mrs Tiggywinkle)
From: [personal profile] oursin

Date: 2018-10-29 07:00 pm (UTC)
legionseagle: (Default)
From: [personal profile] legionseagle
Wottanassole! No, serious, wottanassole. Wottanassole, with a side order of flaming hypocrisy. So sorry it happened to you, and well done you for speaking up.

Date: 2018-10-29 07:12 pm (UTC)
azurelunatic: The Space Needle by night. Slightly dubious photography. (Default)
From: [personal profile] azurelunatic
Thank you for letting us know.

Date: 2018-10-29 07:20 pm (UTC)
tiamatschild: A painting of a woman leaning over a railing to set a candle in a lamp (Everyday Devotion)
From: [personal profile] tiamatschild
I am so sorry he hurt you that way. I am listening. Thank you for this post.

Date: 2018-10-29 07:27 pm (UTC)
princessofgeeks: (Default)
From: [personal profile] princessofgeeks
I am so sorry.

Date: 2018-10-29 09:02 pm (UTC)
kore: (Default)
From: [personal profile] kore
Son of a bitch. I am so sorry.

Date: 2018-10-29 09:22 pm (UTC)
ambyr: a dark-winged man standing in a doorway over water; his reflection has white wings (watercolor by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law) (Default)
From: [personal profile] ambyr
I believe you.

Date: 2018-10-29 11:41 pm (UTC)
rosefox: Green books on library shelves. (Default)
From: [personal profile] rosefox
I believe you. I'm so sorry. God damn it.

Date: 2018-10-30 12:04 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] emilytheslayer
Hi, I don't think we know each other but I was linked to this post by a friend (Rose Fox, not sure if you know them either). I'm on Arisia staff this year and I know you said you didn't want to contact them, but how do you feel about me linking to this post in the staff slack? I know there are a lot of people there who would want to know, but I don't want to direct anyone here if you would be uncomfortable with that. No need to unscreen this if you you don't want to, my email is virginofmenace at gmail dot com

(no subject)

From: [personal profile] emilytheslayer - Date: 2018-10-30 12:13 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [personal profile] emilytheslayer - Date: 2018-10-30 12:13 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2018-10-30 12:27 am (UTC)
dagibbs: (Default)
From: [personal profile] dagibbs
Well fuck.

I am sorry to hear this, and I now understand certain things better.

Also, while I'm not surprised that the rot goes deeper at Arisia, I am sad to hear it.

Date: 2018-10-30 12:32 am (UTC)
sabotabby: (furiosa)
From: [personal profile] sabotabby
You are a stone-cold badass for posting this. I'm so sorry you went through this, I believe you, and I'm listening.

Date: 2018-10-31 06:57 am (UTC)
linaelyn: (Horizon by hope)
From: [personal profile] linaelyn
I believe that this would be a suitable epitaph for Marna: Stone-Cold Badass and Very Good Person. We are so very lucky, all of us, to exist in a time when she is alive.

Date: 2018-10-30 12:44 am (UTC)
green_dreams: Books, and coffee cup with "Happiness is a cup of coffee and a really good book" on the side. (Default)
From: [personal profile] green_dreams
I'm so sorry.

(no subject)

From: [personal profile] green_dreams - Date: 2018-11-09 06:48 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2018-10-30 01:14 am (UTC)
desertvixen: (Default)
From: [personal profile] desertvixen
I have great affection and respect for you.

Even more now.

((( )))
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