Skud is catching up on business correspondance

[commodorified]

skud: I have a glass of bourbon which is nearly empty, and a google doc in which I am writing myself a recommendation letter.
commodorified: Don't forget to remove any sentences containing the words Acquitted, Squids, or Frottage
skud: already removed them.

Which reminded me that, as I am somewhat ill and in need of amusement, it's time for word games, specifically for a round of:

Action Verbs To Avoid When Writing Your CV

I'll start:

Defenestrate
Abscond
Strafe

Comments

[azurelunatic]

Weep.
Intimidate.
Interrogate.
Accidentally.
Needle.
Break.
Hijack.
Commandeer.
Besiege.

Re: Action verbs to avoid on THAT CV

[azurelunatic]

*sudden coughing fit*

[dorothean]

It does occur to me that macerate might be all right if you were applying to be a manicurist, and decorticate if you were applying to work in a ... paper mill?

[oursin]

Marmolise

Re: Action verbs to avoid on THAT CV

[azurelunatic]

Immanentize.

[commodorified]

Suppress
Extort
Coerce

[emceeaich]

Imminentize (possibly okay if applying for positions with security clearances)

Twisted slightly

[wordweaverlynn]

Flense
Lobotomize
Drop (as in acid)
Impregnate
Spank
Augur

All these words could appear on my resume or on that of someone in my family.

One of my cousins spent three years flensing the catch on an Alaskan fishing boat. Someone once asked me how one might go about preparing for a career in peeling subarctic fish. "A degree in biology from the University of Chicago."

My mother assisted doctors in lobotomizing patients when she was a young psychiatric nurse. She also dropped genuine Sandoz acid for NIMH.

One of my brothers-in-law worked as a bovine inseminator,

Spank -- well, you may be aware I've worked as a phone Domme and as an editor for a bondage website.

Augur -- I've also been a professional fortune-teller.

[azurelunatic]

I'd hate to be the one installing those drivers.

[azurelunatic]

Levitate.

[oursin]

Absquatulate

Problematise

Catheterise (unless applying for a job in some medical sphere where this might be appropriate)

Cauterise

Amputate

[kayloulee]

Kill
Devour
Prognosticate
Prestigitate
Stalk
Wield
Exculpate

[chickenfeet]

boyfriend obviously does not aspire to a position in the Civil Service

[northern]

Vivisect.

[nenya_kanadka]

Hypnotise
Coagulate
Eternally damn
Pester

[ell]

Skeletonize.

[parhelion]

Desiccate
Decapitate
Erode
Torment
Ooze
Flail
Compost

[vass]

Actually, I think it's "acted as instrument for deliverance ministry."

/nerd

[vass]

My music analysis lecturer once sent the entire class an email about our assignment. The subject header was ANAL ASS.

[alexbayleaf]

Shiv is a great one. I have been having trouble thinking of good ones that aren't latinate, and that's the best I've seen so far.

[vass]

All examples below are unless the verb was an actual job requirement.

Zhuzh
Mother
Insinuate
Fondle
Caress
Formicate (yes, with an M. Trust me, it's worse this way.)
Tweet
Protect (just picture it on the resume of a person who has never had a job involving security on any level)
Tenderise
Calm (in exactly the right circumstances, I think this could be the most frightening verb possible. 'Pacify' would be more overt, but therefore less sinister.)

And if I could think of a verb for prophylactic, that would be there too.

Edited because I thought of another one: try. Just picture 'tried to' before every other verb in the resume.

[luthe]

Sneeze
Plagiarize
Misspell
Enthrall
Resurrect (unless you are divine)
Wreck
Ejaculate
Purge
Vomit
Nap

Re: Action verbs to avoid on THAT CV

[vass]

Simonise
Rationalise
Shun
Misappropriate
and finally,
Nail.

[ironphoenix]

Regurgitate
Stall
Equivocate
Excrete
Waste
Harass
Obstruct
Inflict
Degrade
Recidivate

[redbird]

undermine
erect
implode
disavow
confess
dismantle
sever