Skud is catching up on business correspondance

[commodorified]

skud: I have a glass of bourbon which is nearly empty, and a google doc in which I am writing myself a recommendation letter.
commodorified: Don't forget to remove any sentences containing the words Acquitted, Squids, or Frottage
skud: already removed them.

Which reminded me that, as I am somewhat ill and in need of amusement, it's time for word games, specifically for a round of:

Action Verbs To Avoid When Writing Your CV

I'll start:

Defenestrate
Abscond
Strafe

Comments

[eleanorjane]

Moisten (unless you had a job sticking stamps on things)
Right-size (the new, less-brutal-sounding 'down-size')
Fluoresce
Emit
Extirpate
Dither
Oxidise
Confuse

and for bonus points:
Embiggen

On the subject of "harass"

[pne]

Fondle
Palpate
Grope
Pinch
Stalk
Leer
Stare
Ogle

[zingerella]

I actually do use "pester" in cover letters: I'm a project manager, and a major part of my job is pestering people so charmingly that they don't feel pestered, in order to get them to give me their stuff by the deadlines to which they agreed in the first place.

[toft]

Thrust! Gouge!

[forthwritten]

Court-martial
Bury
Rebel

Re: On the subject of "harass"

[azurelunatic]

Flash.

[brownbetty]

Implicate, plea-bargained

[azurelunatic]

The very thought makes me antsy.

EXTERMINATE.

Spouse-Creature points out that many of these are perfect if you have a porn star or enforcer CV.

[cadenzamuse]

Falsify.
Impersonate.
Pretend.
Ejaculate.
Lubricate.
Strangle.
Annoy.
Stalk.
Weep.
Resurrect.
Ensorcel.
Enslave.
Fetishize.
Perjure.
Smash.
Sniff.
Soil.
Tangle.
Poison.
Pillage.
Plunder.
Rape.
Blunder.
Ravage.
Behead.
Engorge.
Emasculate.
Castrate.
Intimidate.

Re: Spouse-Creature points out that many of these are perfect if you have a porn star or enforcer CV

[cadenzamuse]

Launder [money].
Frame.
Inhabit.
Brainwash.
Possess [demonically].

Re: Action verbs to avoid on THAT CV

[azurelunatic]

Nail.

*howls*

[dorothean]

Impact.

Re: Action verbs to avoid on THAT CV

[pauamma]

Unless you work for a debt collector. :-)

[pauamma]

Marry (as in, "Married 3 children", which I saw in an actual resume)

[inoru_no_hoshi]

Oh deeeeeear!

Eschew obfuscation

[james_g4clf]

So, obviously, eschew.

[james_g4clf]

Subaqueate

[james_g4clf]

Speaking as a hypnotist (among other things) who has just sent a bio to Chicon listing this skill - why on earth not?

[nenya_kanadka]

Obviously the real-world set of jobs which involve CVs is larger than I realized! Apologies.

[metaphortunate]

Quibble.

Rant (this one is especially bad if you are applying for any sort of supervillain job, as it basically says you will be the asshole who gets everyone killed while monologuing)

[highlander_ii]

was this 'Prestigitate' meant to be 'Prestidigitate'? In which case, it would be greatly appreciated when applying as a magician, but likely, not so much otherwise. XD

[kayloulee]

...yes. Damn. I need new reading glasses and I have not got them yet. I knew that zooming Chrome up to 200% would have its drawbacks.

[highlander_ii]

Mostly I just want to say that 'Defenestrate' is one of my favorite words. =)

However:

Strangle
Confiscate (unless applicable to the position applied for)
Thieve
Pilfer
Flim-flam
Double-deal
Violate
Ransack
Sneak
Filch
Scam
Pick-pocket

and about half of those came straight out of the theme song to WITWICS

[highlander_ii]

'tis okay... at first I was thinking 'oooh - cool new word!', but google didn't seem to know it and I was all :( no cool new word,.

[pne]

Embezzle
Do off with
Divert
Swindle
Defraud
Evict
Squat
Absquatulate