and then the self-protection kicks in in a big way
And then people who are still being hurt by the harmful/bigoted beliefs/actions are watching all this go down and going, "WTF that is awfully self-centred of you, we're over here still hurting and you're getting defensive?" Which is perfectly fair from where they are standing, obviously. But it doesn't...fix what's up inside the head of the person trying to climb out of the shame pit. And not the job of the oppressed, etc, but surely the job of somebody? Hopefully other privileged people who have been through this mess before and can give some advice, I guess.
Like I sometimes feel as if there are intra-white, intra-straight, intra-cis (etc) conversations like this that need to be held where we're working though these processes and figuring out our shit so that we can get positive work done...without piling it all on the nonwhite/queer/trans/etc people and making them pat us on the back. (There are men's groups that do this, aren't there? The "how to be a good partner/father" stuff where guys can learn all this stuff and unpack their own gender-related pain without dumping it on women unless the women are specifically there on purpose to help run the group. I feel like I've heard about such things. I think they're a brilliant idea.)
So, basically, this post and others like it.
Which makes me also think of commodorified's post on how good survivors are at fucking each other up.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2016-01-09 08:56 pm (UTC)And then people who are still being hurt by the harmful/bigoted beliefs/actions are watching all this go down and going, "WTF that is awfully self-centred of you, we're over here still hurting and you're getting defensive?" Which is perfectly fair from where they are standing, obviously. But it doesn't...fix what's up inside the head of the person trying to climb out of the shame pit. And not the job of the oppressed, etc, but surely the job of somebody? Hopefully other privileged people who have been through this mess before and can give some advice, I guess.
Like I sometimes feel as if there are intra-white, intra-straight, intra-cis (etc) conversations like this that need to be held where we're working though these processes and figuring out our shit so that we can get positive work done...without piling it all on the nonwhite/queer/trans/etc people and making them pat us on the back. (There are men's groups that do this, aren't there? The "how to be a good partner/father" stuff where guys can learn all this stuff and unpack their own gender-related pain without dumping it on women unless the women are specifically there on purpose to help run the group. I feel like I've heard about such things. I think they're a brilliant idea.)
So, basically, this post and others like it.
Which makes me also think of
Ayup.