Shakedown dreams walking in broad daylight

[commodorified]

Benet:
it's been up for over a week, and I'm still inordinately amused by the Toast's 'Bible Verses Where 'Thou Shalt Not' has been Replaced by 'can u not'.

http://the-toast.net/2014/12/29/bible-verses-thou-shalt-not-replaced-can-u-not/

Exodus 20:17
“Can u not covet thy neighbour’s house, can u not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s. can u just not."

(time passes)

commodorified:
Sorry, there were small children
Did you know there is A MONSTER at the end of this book?

Benet:
no but I can't say I'm surprised

commodorified:
A MONSTER
I feel like Oscar and Vivien are recklessly unconcerned with the possible consequences here

Benet:
if there were *two* monsters, that'd be a twist worthy of M. Night Shamwow

commodorified:
THAT IS THE SEQUEL
GROVER *AND* ELMO

Benet:
it's just like _Alien vs. Predator_.
but with more felt.

commodorified:
The Monster At The End Of This Book.
It's an app.

Benet:
not showing up in the Play store.. sure it's not iOS only?

(A series of remarks through which we establish that this app is, as yet, only available for iOS and Kindle omitted)

Benet:
yeah, Amazon's recent devices are their own weird-ass Android distro, there's a lot of stuff that only works there.

they also keep trying to hire me to work on them, which they'll have to go buy in the Nope Store

commodorified:
Can I get a tank for my Nopetopus there?

Benet:
and food for your nopefish
basically it's like Uber, but for nope

commodorified:
Wait, they'll come and pick me up and DRIVE me to nope?

Benet:
well, not necessarily. It's just, you know. Disrupty!

commodorified:
So I want to start an Uber for bicycle-rickshaws
Ok I don't. I want someone else to.

Will they deliver piping-hot artisinal Nope to my door in 30 minutes or it's free?
Cause there's a market for that.

Benet:
probably
I mean, given that the site which used to let you deliver bees to people you don't like has gone dark
you remember, www.beeswhyaretherebees.com
1-800-AHH-BEES
I don't think glitter really cuts it, next to live bees

commodorified:
Well the bees are vanishing.
Why would you send bees to people you dislike?
Bees should be for people you really love

Benet:
well, you know.. *angry* bees.
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/bees_oprah.gif

commodorified:
Are you sure they're not just misunderstood?

Benet:
maybe?

commodorified:
It all sounds dodgy

Benet:
I honestly feel like wasps are misunderstood.
I mean, everyone is mostly on board now with the idea that bees are not aggressive.

commodorified:
I honestly am not the person to change that.

Benet:
but in my experience you really have to get up in a wasp's grill before it'll sting you

commodorified:
Well, okay. See, my problem is that they think "having sweet things and not sharing" is getting up in said grill

Benet:
well true

commodorified:
Along with "smelling like soft and dri"

Benet:
but I've taken some extreme close-ups of wasps and they just let me do it.
hmm

commodorified:
i mean, there are different types

Benet:
these are all valid cases, but I would hold it's still a ways from the whole "wasps will sting you because yolo" thing I see come 'round of Facebook every few months

commodorified:
I'm not joining the Friends Of Yellowjackets anytime soon

Benet:
fair

commodorified:
i think the problem is partly they'll build on houses and are territorial.
And I'm all FUCK YOU DO YOU EVEN PAY RENT

(later that evening):

commodorified:

IAN JUST SAID YOLOJACKETS I PLAN TO KILL HIM

“So the haters were subdued and they stopped invading Israel’s territory. Throughout Samuel’s lifetime, the hand of the Lord was against the haters.”

Amen.

Benet:

"Can u not pray like the hypocrites"

Comments

[recessional]

Haha Monster At The End Of This Book original and sequel are two of S's favourites. They were books when I was a kid, but they're almost made floor app-book adaptation. "Did you know you are very strong?"

I'm honest to gods phobic of wasps, at least yellowjackets and hornets and my experience is that while sometimes yes you can look at them quite close, other times "getting up in their grill" includes "existing near them and moving the wrong way."

[commodorified]

Vivien yells YES I STRONG.

[azurelunatic]

The self-same glitter site touched off a conversation at work this evening. The conclusions included:

If I sat in the courtyard with a plate of salmon and my little handheld Dyson vacuum, trying to catch yellowjackets, there would be questions. I could probably ask Jeff the Facilities Guy if I could raid the wasp traps, and if I said it was for an art project he would probably let me. However, I should not dry them out in the toaster ovens in the work kitchen.

So the next step would be staking them with toothpicks, spraying them with adhesive, and then coating them in glitter. The resulting abominations of nature and craft get stuck on things as commentary...

[commodorified]

Better you than me, babe.
Better you than me.

[izzy]

first thing out of my mouth after reading the word "yellowjackets" was "yolojackets." and lo, vindicated. or something.