Around here "No Homo" means the meal is vegan ...

Slightly Special Beanz in honour of WE HAZ A MEL:

1 1/2 cups Moro Beans from Rancho Gordo.
1 large white onion, diced
2 litres vegetable stock (in this case, collard green stems, small handful chopped shittake mushrooms, small handful veggie flakes, one hour on the stove)

Moros are incredibly rich and flavourful; it's easy to overflavour them so I try to keep it super simple.

Spicing: (I mostly just spice by wandering around pulling stuff out of the spice drawer, smelling it quizzically and either adding some or putting it back. This is what ended up going in today)

Adobo Seasoning (Penzey's)
Aleppo Pepper (Penzey's)
Bay leaves, 4, in the bean water, removed at the hour mark
Chili 3000 (Penzey's)
Epazote (Penzey's)
Mexican Oregano (Rancho Gordo)
Mixed Peppercorns, about ten in the bean water
Oregano Indio (Rancho Gordo)
Salt
Smoked Paprika (quite a lot, oops. worked well though)
toasted coriander seed (10 minutes in a dry pan on medium with the cumin)
toasted cumin (as above)

Start beans in about a litre of water; when the water has been almost entirely absorbed add stock, onion, spices.

Cover, reduce heat, simmer until tender, uncover and reduce, serve over mashed potatoes with mixed garlic greens.

For Mel before I forget

The Cook Has A Rotten Cold Vegetarian Soup:

Per 2 litres of vegetable[1] stock or reasonable equivalent thereof (or your favourite UNreasonable equivalent: I've used a) 1 packet Knorr vegetable soup and 2 litres of water, b) 1 big handful dried veggie flakes, 2 litres of water, c) 1 small handful dried mushrooms chopped small and 2 litres of water, d) veggie flakes and chopped dried mushrooms and 2 litres of water ... how sick are you and what do you have on hand?)

10 onions, chopped as finely as you have the energy for.
5 heads garlic, turned into skinned whole cloves.
Black pepper to taste and then add a bit.
Salt to taste.

Simmer until the cloves can be crushed against the side of the pot. Eat until you're tired of it or can breathe again. The two tend to occur at about the same time, actually.

Obviously a deeply lazy recipe, but hey, it's for sick people.

[1] Chicken or beef works just fine too.

OMFG SQUEE

Ok, themeletor, Best Baker Ever And Truly Amazing Cook?

USES MY COOKING FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T TAG TO FIND STUFF TO MAKE.

*runs around squeeing and flapping, only, you know, in a dignified middle aged way*

Also SHE IS IN OUR KITCHEN MAKING MASHED POTATOES.