I am not sure why three cis men

[commodorified]

Have commented on my post bitching about being doubled over with pain from a miserable period to point out that they do not have this problem themselves, but

A) I am aware.
B) Really not a good look, guys.



The comments in question are now screened, to avoid making specific examples of anyone.

Comments

[legionseagle]

They do hate being left out, don't they?

[xinef]

They felt they had to say SOMETHING?

[ellen_fremedon]

How hard is it to say "I'm so sorry; I hope you feel better soon"?

[commodorified]

They all did make at least some gesture towards that sentiment, I hasten to note.

[legionseagle]

They're blokes. They're hard-wired to offer either a solution or a criticism or both (ideally, criticism of you for not having thought of their solution in advance).

[commodorified]

Yes, and they all undoubtedly Meant Well. Which I get. This is why I vanished the comments.

At least one of them will, I am fairly sure, have struck himself briskly on the forehead while exclaiming "O Crap I Am An Enormous Culpa" by now.

Nevertheless, it's annoying as shit, it happens nearly every time, and I've had it with the whole business, so.

[princessofgeeks]

I guess it never occurs to some people to nod sagely and STFU.

[dejla]

Always felt to me as if I were trying to expel a watermelon.

I wish kidney stones on those cis-males. They deserve it.

[commodorified]

Nobody deserves kidney stones, and wishing illness on people does not suit the way I run this joint.

[dejla]

I have offended you. I am sorry. You are right; this is not the way you run this joint and my comment was frivolous and callous.

[commodorified]

Judging these things is haaaard and we all drop the ball at times. Please be as frivolous as you wish here; we like that. <3

[were_duck]

*makes A Face*

[havocthecat]

I'm not sure why people ever do that. Sometimes I complain about a parenting thing, for example, and I get a lot of "ahaha, that's why I don't have kids" or "that's why I hand them right back to their parents lol." Or I talk about allergies and people say, "I can walk through a whole field of flowers and I'm just fine."

All I can think is, "Peachy for you! You're not helping, you're not even sympathizing, you're just bragging!"

[fallconsmate]

my daughter has the same issues. her doctor told her when she was a teen "well, once you get older and have children, things will get better!" her daughter is 3. things have just gotten worse. i'm terribly sorry that you have to go through this, i really am. :(

(my only "this helped me" is to stock up on Altoids. peppermint oil ingested is an antispasmodic, and can help the muscles relax. and the tins are fine for throwing at people who are making unthoughtful comments. if you cannot have peppermint, i can't think of anything else, but i still send well wishes and threats for your uterus to stop misbehaving.)

[amorettea]

My father was a doctor. When I was having issues as a teenager, he said sagely, "It will be better when you are older and have had kids." To which my mother replied, "How the hell would you know?"

[diaspora]

I would guess (given that as you've said elsewhere they all went on to express sympathy) it was something like: "because I haven't had this experience myself I can't properly empathize, so I don't want to come off all smarmy and presumptuous and I feel-your-pain-y, but I do sympathize." I'm pretty sure I've used similar lines myself ("I haven't experienced the level of abuse you have, but...") I think this thread is teaching me that that line is best avoided.

[commodorified]

That was probably the intention. The effect, especially as the comments piled up, was ... unfortunate in the extreme. It's also a regular feature of posts about Female Complaints, mine and others.

[legionseagle]

My principal female complaint is that men seem incapable of parsing a therapeutic vent except as a cry for help/advice or admission of failure.

[pantryslut]

+1

[ironed_orchid]

WHAT EVEN?