commodorified | Let's call this a thought experiment, shall we?

1) Your life contains:

a) a corgi.

b) a sofa.

c) a wool blanket.

d) a half pound of butter.

e) some cotton underpants.

2) Via a brief and apparently largely harmless stay in the front half of the corgi, the bulk of the butter has been transferred from a plate on the table to the above.

3) You would like to remove the second-hand butter from the above items. Hot water and detergent have made no impression, nor has trying to scrape it off manually, as it just sinks into the fabric.

4) So. Now what?

Crossposts: http://commodorified.livejournal.com/392985.html

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

parhelion

Hmm. Have you tried corn meal (not gooshed in, but placed firmly on it for a while) followed by dishwashing liquid (the heavy-duty anti-grease sort rubbed in, left for a couple of hours, and then washed)?

From:

sara

Shave the corgi, throw away the underpants (and any remaining butter), take the wool blanket to be dry-cleaned and call in a steam cleaning place for the couch. Hot water and detergent are just going to make things shrink funny (even the corgi, although that might be a good idea).

From:

mme_hardy

I agree with Sara's regimen, although I might throw away the corgi myself.

If you could get to the underside of the sofa fabric, I'd recommend baby shampoo, which is excellent at getting grease stains out of organic fibers, but as is, call in the experts.

From:

sara

Well, this is Canada in November we're talking about; shaving the corgi may eliminate the corgi issue entirely.

(I am JOKING. I would never throw a shaven doggie out into a Canadian winter. I would put it in a really really ugly doggie sweater thingy so all the other doggies would laugh at it when it went out for a piddle, instead.)

From:

mme_hardy

Made of the itchiest acrylic/wool blend you could find in a novelty yarn WITH SPARKLES.

From:

sara

Wow, I can already hear the mournful howls echoing across the frozen northlands.

From:

commodorified

I'm in Austin. Texas. :-)

From:

commodorified

I'm in Austin. Texas. :-)

*casts on with malice aforethought*

From:

sara

Well, shoot, FIRE UP THE CLIPPERS.

From:

commodorified

YOU GUYS!:

From:

sara

...that's not the butt, Marna. That's the head.

I think all the deviant sexin has confused your understanding of canine anatomy.

From:

commodorified

No, the head is the bit with the brain in it. I am very clear on this.

:-)

Edited Date: 2011-11-08 04:24 am (UTC)

From:

sara

...there's a brain in it?

From:

sharpiefan

*sporfles*

From:

reginagiraffe

Dawn dish detergent. It's the one they use on the crude oil-soaked seabirds. It's seriously better at removing oil-based substances than other detergents.

From:

girlpearl

Regina has the right of it here--Dawn is excellent at removing grease, and we use it all the time on pyrethrin-toxicity cats. I'm sure it's fine for wool, too.

I was also told by a Kindly Italian Nonna (tm) to soak butter/oil stains from a blouse with baby powder before laundering.

Edited (grammar says what says grammar) Date: 2011-11-08 02:10 am (UTC)

$mdlbear: blue fractal bear with text "since 2002" (Default)$

From:

mdlbear

Seconded -- Dawn is good stuff. I also use it as a hand soap after working on the car, handling bacon, or doing something similarly greasy.

From:

nolivingman

For the underpants and blanket (assuming a big enough freezer for the latter), I would try freezing them and then the butter should chip off easily enough.

For the sofa, I'm at a loss.

From:

j00j

"For the sofa, I'm at a loss."
Liquid nitrogen, obviously.

No, don't actually try this. Seriously, I have no idea. I don't think Nature's Miracle can take care of this.

From:

sharpiefan

In Canada in November? Leave the sofa in the garden overnight and then proceed as above...

From:

commodorified

I'm in Austin. Texas. :-)

From:

sharpiefan

Move to Canada?

From:

redbird

I would also throw away the underpants: cotton underpants are a fine thing, but they're readily available and not terribly expensive.

Beyond that, my only halfway useful idea (rather than silliness like "shave the couch and dry clean the corgi") would be hosing the corgi down. Possibly with warm water, and with towels ready to wrap the dog and dry it off; as you've said, it's Canada in November.

From:

sharpiefan

I second the 'shave the couch and dry clean the corgi' option.

I am also silly.

From:

girlpearl

BTW while I was writing that comment the tiny naked dogs were in Mel's kitchen industriously nomming a tray of brownies. Blaaaaargh.

From:

commodorified

Jazz says OH THANK GOD IT IS NOT JUST US.

I think you have relieved her of the BURNING SHAME.

Did you get my email, love?

From:

girlpearl

I diiiiid. I had to... there is a lot going on. I will reply in a bit. Long story short:

Actually fuck it, there is no tl;dr version. Email in a bit.

Hugs to Jazz--dogs is dumb. They eat stupid shit. That's what they DO. Last year at Christmas Sophie ate a whole stick of butter off the counter. Little before that it was a half pound brick of Parmesan.

From:

theleaveswant

Stitch & Bitch consensus agrees with

parhelion: coat with absorbent powder (cornstarch, talcum, etc.) and let sit, then scrape off an inspect. Repeat as needed to remove grease and odor and reduce stains.

From:

sharpiefan

I managed to read that as 'scrape off an insect'.

I am possibly not sane.

From:

commodorified

Yes, well, two days ago I was saving a lizard from the corgi, and vice versa.

Fortunately, I don't really NEED my life to make sense, you know?

From:

sharpiefan

OTOH... You do know HM the Queen likes corgis?

Pack corgi up and send to England, addressed to HM Queen Elizabeth II c/o Buckingham Palace.

That ought to do it!

Edited Date: 2011-11-08 01:22 pm (UTC)

From:

wordweaverlynn

This casts an unexpected light on life at Buckingham Palace.

No practical advice, but you might ask the Queen.)

From:

cleverthylacine

Dawn dish detergent on the corgi. Dawn Power Dissolver (which is too strong for the corgi, trust me on this, and wear gloves) on the sofa and wool blanket.

Wash wool blanket in the warmest water it can stand with dishwashing liquid, preferably Dawn.

I'm with everyone who suggests throwing out the underpants. They're biodegradable and can be replaced for $2.

From:

valancy

1. Dawn Power Dissolver is teh awesome. So I second that suggestion for the sofa and blanket.
2. If you don't dry clean it, I'd say spot treat the blanket with the Dawn, but put real laundry soap in the washer. I'm afraid if you wash it in warm or hot water that it will shrink, but if you do that, definitely hang it to dry, if not laying it out and blocking it so it regains some of its former size. Hang to dry no matter what temp the water is, actually.
3. I would NOT use cleaners or cleanser on the dog. Depending on exactly where the butter is, I'm gonna say everything eventually ends up in the dog's mouth, either from them chewing or licking directly, or them scratching and then chewing/licking their paws. That's true for mine, anyway. I've only ever bathed my dog once myself, and we used a mix of shampoo to water like 5:1 or something - I'm sure some baby shampoo would be okay too, if you have it handy.
4. I'm with everyone else on the underpants.